The following is a list of nonexistent words, mispronunciations and examples of bad grammar. Unfortunately I hear things like this all the time from people I talk to, people on TV and radio, and even government leaders. When I talk to people for whom English is their second language, I expect to find some inconsistencies, but much of the time their English is quite good. Hmm. Why could this be?

• "Aks" is not a word.
• When you wait on somebody, you are ether sitting on them or are expected to serve them dinner.
• "Ortopsy" is not a word.
• The big hallway in the airport is a "concourse" not an "intercourse".
• "A scissors" is wrong. "A scissor" is right, but worthless. You need a pair to do any good.
• "Meese", "meeses" and "meeseses" are not words. Unless your first name is Edwin, that is.
• "Acrost" is not a word.
• After cutting something off, you can paste it back on, stitch it back on, weld it back on, rivet it back on...(you get the idea), but you cannot cut it back on.
• For those of you whose name is Du Bois, it is pronounced "Doo Bwa".
• "Supposively" is not a word.
• "Gots" is not a word.
• Anyone who says: "Then we proceeded to..." shouldn't.
• You may have "brought it from the store", but you couldn't have "brought it at the store".
• Neither "brang" nor "brung" is a word.
• The capital of South Dakota is Pierre not Pier.
• Nicolet, Jean. 1598-1642. French explorer of the Great Lakes region. His name has been given to numerous parks, lakes, streets and even national forests. It is pronounced "Nikolay".
• UFO means unidentified flying object not "alien". Please do not ask me if I "believe" in them.
• This country has had two presidents named Roosevelt. It is pronounced "Rose-e-velt" not "Roo-se-velt".
• "Deers" is not a word. "Dears" is.
• There are several places called "Soldier's Field" in the USA and abroad, none of them are in Chicago. There is, however, a "Soldier Field". It is the biggest monument on the planet to those who fought in the first world war.
• The "S" is silent in "Illinois".
• You lend something to someone or you borrow something from them.
• You don't plus this and that, you add them. You don't minus this and that, you subtract them. You don't times this and that, you multiply them.
• Drug is an aspirin not the past tense of drag.
• "Teached" is not a word.
• "Taunt" is poking a caged animal with a stick, not a tightly stretched rope. That would be "Taut". "Taught" is the past tense of "Teach".
• Lombard (for those of you who live in or around Chicago, or any where else that has a Lombard) is not pronounced Lumbard.
• "Overneath" is not a word.
• It's imagine not amagine.
• Neither "nukular" nor "nukulus" is a word.